Men as Wine Varietals

Lets face it, there are a lot of types of men in the dating world ranging from loser to millionaire, frog to prince, hot to not. I started thinking that there are also a lot of wine varietals. Men usually are the reason I drink and I happen to like wine more then I like men but I thought it would be interesting to compare the two so here it goes. . . . Men as wine varietals

Muscat – This one is sweet. He compliments you all the time, brings you flowers, and pays for everything. Sometimes he is sweet to the point it is sickening. No one can have a dessert wine all the time.

White Zinfandel– This one you may had consumed on accident. It is not even a real wine (man). It is cheap, fake, and you don’t even want to admit to your friends that you enjoyed any of the time spent with it. You would NEVER be seen with it in public!

Chardonnay– This is the everyday go to one. You always know what to expect from it, it hits the spot, and you can rely on it to uphold its end of the relationship.

Merlot– This one is smooth and soft. Mellow and easy to get along with. It pairs well with most of your friends and family and just goes with the flow.

Petite Syrah – This one is hot and spicy. It is bold and leaves your tongue tingling. You fall in love with it right away but the spice dies down as you consume more of it and eventually this one will leave you with the biggest headache of them all.

Boxed Wine– This is the cheap ass. The one who wants to go Dutch all the time, who asks you for money, who has no taste.

Cabernet– This is the one you want to hang on to. It is stable and great quality. Deep, with a great ability to age well.  You want to treat this one like gold, lay it down, keep it at the right temperature and keep it for many years to come.

Sparkling–   This one is fancy, bubbling and exciting. It is for special occasions but can be a little too much to handle every day.

So there you have it. My favorite thing to drink, and the thing that makes me drink the most actually have a lot in common. Happy drinking and Happy dating. Cheers!

Advice Letter to the Next Guy to Date Me

Oh buddy, are you in for a wild ride.  I am a little bit of a hot mess. I have been damaged by many men before you and I come with baggage. The guys who got to me first got a younger, thinner, care free, but shallow girl who was heavily dependent on everyone around her.  The girl I am today is slightly more insecure, strong as hell, independent, scared to be hurt, and open minded to all types of people and their pasts but with trust issues that you wouldn’t believe. Those issues are not your fault but lets face it you aren’t perfect either and if I have to deal with your issues, you get to deal with mine.  It won’t always be easy, but I would like to think being with me would be worth it. Here are some survival tips:

  1. When it seems like I am a jealous bitch, it is because I care. If I didn’t have a problem sharing you then I wouldn’t make a big deal about other girls flirting all over you or over stepping the boundaries of friendship. Appreciate where it comes from, realize that it is a way of my sharing my love and commitment to you and only you.
  2. When I want to go out with my own girlfriends, give me an extra big kiss and tell me to have a good time.  Do not tell me that I can’t go because then I will run, don’t question me all night or call me every five minutes because then we will fight. Know that us having friends of our own does not make us any less of a couple. Know that at the end of the night, whether I brag about you to them or complain about you, I will come home to you and I will want to be there. Independence is an important part of my new self and you should thank me for not smothering you. I even encourage you to go out with the guys!
  3. When I share a situation I am struggling with and you offer to help but I say no at first. . . offer again. I don’t mean that original “no”. I haven’t had help in years and I am not comfortable directly asking for it and don’t like to feel like a nuisance. However sometimes I can only handle so much and a little help would mean the world to me! Wait a few minutes and ask me again, I will likely take you up on it and be so appreciative of the partnership.
  4. When we are arguing about the same thing and going round and round and you think I am being crazy. PLEASE don’t tell me that! I have had years of verbal abuse and I do not need to be in that situation again. Instead of telling me I am psycho, tell me you understand that I am passionate about this and want to help us find common ground. Instead of telling me that if I don’t let it go we will be over, tell me that you love me and we will get through this but you really need to take a break from talking about it so we can clear our heads.
  5. When I am having insecurities about our relationship and where it stands (because many have ended on me with no warning) Assure me that you are in for the long haul but don’t just do it with your words. Please take a small action or gesture. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, it doesn’t have to cost money but it HAS to be more than “I love you” because those words have been over used, abused and lost meaning to me over the years.

Well that’s about all. I wish you the best. . .. you are gonna need it!

Am I Asking for Too Much?

After each new failed relationship I begin to wonder if I am just asking for too much from men. To me the things I want seem so simple but yet to the men I date they are so unattainable. A basic breakdown of my list is as follows:

  1. Be faithful. Such a simple concept right? If you are with me, you are only with me. The same way I am expected to not be overly flirty, develop feelings for or have sex with someone else. . I expect these things as well. My ex-husband was confused on the rules. I guess when life gets hard he thought it was a pass to get a girlfriend. Not in my book Mr!
  2. Ability to prioritize. . . and prioritize me! The dictionary says prioritize means to “designate or treat (something or someone) as more important than other things.” I do not have to be on the top of the list but can I at least make it on the list?? I gave a lot in my last relationship and was all in, putting him high on my list and I did not fit on his list at all. His list contained things such as the local bar, friends, other girls, the local bar, roommates, previous partners who are no longer around (this was a big one!) and did I mention the local bar? I was probably the very last thing on his mind at any given time. Am I the only one who thinks this is not ok?
  3. Have a good work ethic and be financially responsible. . . I can do it, so why is it so hard for the male population? I don’t need someone who is a CEO or has a college degree. I need someone who gets their ass out of bed every day, even when they don’t want to and goes to work. Who does their job when they are there and gets a stable paycheck every week. Then takes that paycheck and pays all of their bills before they waste the rest of the money. . . . rocket science? Not to me. However, out of all the guys I have met this has been the one they all can’t do.
  4. Acceptance – “recognizing a process or condition without attempting to change it or protest it “. Unlike an asshole I have dated in the past, this will include accepting that my daughter has special needs and is still amazing, that she will always be a priority for me, that my body is not that of a 25 year old playboy model, that my shyness is not something to be ashamed of, or that the way I fold the damn towels does not change their ability to dry you off! (please!). After all I had to accept the fact that he was obnoxious when drunk, had a child who needed nonstop attention and was so old he had to nap everyday!
  5. Be able to have a partnership. This is a big one. I do not want to raise another child so if I am making your meals and cleaning up after you and solving your problems that is fine, but I will then need you to be there for me when I have a problem too and do some of the manly things around the house. On the flip side, I do not want to ask permission to see my friends or spend a dollar, I don’t need any more parental figures. I just need a life partner to work through things together.

So there is my list. Basically I just want a man who goes to work everyday, thinks about me and makes me feel important to him, comes home to me and doesn’t fool around and accepts me the same way I will accept him while working with me to make our life better.  Is that really a fairy tale these days??