Advice Letter to the Next Guy to Date Me

Oh buddy, are you in for a wild ride.  I am a little bit of a hot mess. I have been damaged by many men before you and I come with baggage. The guys who got to me first got a younger, thinner, care free, but shallow girl who was heavily dependent on everyone around her.  The girl I am today is slightly more insecure, strong as hell, independent, scared to be hurt, and open minded to all types of people and their pasts but with trust issues that you wouldn’t believe. Those issues are not your fault but lets face it you aren’t perfect either and if I have to deal with your issues, you get to deal with mine.  It won’t always be easy, but I would like to think being with me would be worth it. Here are some survival tips:

  1. When it seems like I am a jealous bitch, it is because I care. If I didn’t have a problem sharing you then I wouldn’t make a big deal about other girls flirting all over you or over stepping the boundaries of friendship. Appreciate where it comes from, realize that it is a way of my sharing my love and commitment to you and only you.
  2. When I want to go out with my own girlfriends, give me an extra big kiss and tell me to have a good time.  Do not tell me that I can’t go because then I will run, don’t question me all night or call me every five minutes because then we will fight. Know that us having friends of our own does not make us any less of a couple. Know that at the end of the night, whether I brag about you to them or complain about you, I will come home to you and I will want to be there. Independence is an important part of my new self and you should thank me for not smothering you. I even encourage you to go out with the guys!
  3. When I share a situation I am struggling with and you offer to help but I say no at first. . . offer again. I don’t mean that original “no”. I haven’t had help in years and I am not comfortable directly asking for it and don’t like to feel like a nuisance. However sometimes I can only handle so much and a little help would mean the world to me! Wait a few minutes and ask me again, I will likely take you up on it and be so appreciative of the partnership.
  4. When we are arguing about the same thing and going round and round and you think I am being crazy. PLEASE don’t tell me that! I have had years of verbal abuse and I do not need to be in that situation again. Instead of telling me I am psycho, tell me you understand that I am passionate about this and want to help us find common ground. Instead of telling me that if I don’t let it go we will be over, tell me that you love me and we will get through this but you really need to take a break from talking about it so we can clear our heads.
  5. When I am having insecurities about our relationship and where it stands (because many have ended on me with no warning) Assure me that you are in for the long haul but don’t just do it with your words. Please take a small action or gesture. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, it doesn’t have to cost money but it HAS to be more than “I love you” because those words have been over used, abused and lost meaning to me over the years.

Well that’s about all. I wish you the best. . .. you are gonna need it!

Author: singlewithasidekick

I am single mom of a child with special needs. I work full time, raise my child the best I can, fail at most things domestic, and have a growing dislike for men as I dredge though the dating world!

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